If you can't beat them
by Fareetauhl
Summary: "So basically, you want her to sacrifice her virginity to Future Rogue in the hopes of curing his anger?" "It's for the good of the world!" In which Lucy is appalled, Gray can't stop laughing, and Erza must carry out her plan. (AU Eclipse arc)


**AN: This… I don't even know what this is. I'm panicked because of my workload, so this came out as a light stress-reliever. It was inspired by what Natsu said in the dubbed Fairy Tail episodes right after Lucy's encounter with Zirconis.**

It was the day of the eclipse.

Dragons were everywhere. The city seemed to be up in flames. Everywhere that was visible had some sort of monster present, with wizards struggling to fight back against their laser beams with whatever magic they had left. And despite all the effort put in by the dragon slayers, none of the dragons had yet to be slain.

Things were looking desperate for Fairy Tail.

Team Natsu (not including Natsu, Happy, Carla, and Wendy-they were still fighting the dragons) and Jellal had assembled to attempt to figure out a solution. Lucy had brought out a notebook that her future-self had apparently left behind, and was now attempting to rally the others to help her and Yukino destroy the gate, as their previous attempt had failed. And while the other members of Team Natsu seemed mildly invested in the idea, Erza had other plans.

"I wonder Lucy," she said, interrupting Lucy's spiel. "What do you believe could be the reasoning behind Future Rogue's attack?"

Lucy frowned. Wasn't it obvious?

"Erza, he just wants to take over the world. Is there really anymore we have to talk about?"

Erza nodded. "Yes he does, but why? Have you thought about why he would want to take over the world so badly?"

Lucy stared at her. Was she really going to do this now? "Does it matter? We have bigger things to worry about, in case you didn't notice!"

"Yes, I agree. But I may know the reason behind his conquest."

Lucy rolled her eyes. "And what is that?"

Erza, oddly, blushed bright red. "Well, this is more of a passing thought, but couldn't it be that his anger stems from the desire for female company during the night?"

Lucy and Gray's mouths dropped open. Had Erza really just suggested what they thought she had?

Jellal merely blushed a bright red, all the way to the roots of his hair. "Er-rza, maybe you shouldn't-"

Gray burst into laughter as soon as he finished processing what she said. "Are you saying that the reason Rogue is acting this way, is because he needs to get _laid_? Who, exactly, are you suggesting we hook him up with?"

Erza sniffed, her face still a cherry red. "Isn't it obvious? Lucy of course! They have visible chemistry!"

Lucy picked up her jaw from the floor. "We've never even talked in front of you! The one time we did was right before he tried to _kill_ me!"

Erza nodded along. "Exactly. That must have just been unresolved sexual tension. If we resolve it, all will be well."

Gray caught his breath and wheezed, winded from his laughing fit. "And how are you suggesting we resolve it?"

Erza blushed deeper, if that was even possible. "I think I've made it perfectly clear. Lucy will borrow my seduction armor, and she will use do whatever it takes to save this country."

"So basically, you want her to sacrifice her virginity to Future Rogue in the hopes of curing his anger?"

"It's for the good of the world!"

Lucy merely sighed as she watched her two friends bicker back and forth over Erza's completely outrageous plan.

Why couldn't she have normal friends again?

 **AN: Super short, I know, but honestly, I didn't have time for anything more. I had planned on updating Jackal 101 and Besties this weekend, but my brain felt absolutely dead and completely out of ideas. But since I technically just started those this week, I think they're good for now. I'll try to update them later this week or next weekend. Hopefully.**

 **Review and tell me what you think! I know it's completely crazy and really off topic of my normal stuff, but I couldn't help it. Oh well.**

 **Until next time!**

 **-Fareetauhl**


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